I really admire the effort and artistry of the JibJab videos. Out of just about nothing, those folks built an art form and a style and what I gather is a pretty successful company. One of the ways they've achieved this is by really putting maximum effort into each project. A lot of people out there think computer animation is easy; that you just click this and load that and the computer does all the labor that formerly had to be done by hand. Wrongo. Each JibJab video represents skillions of person hours and an awful lot of hands-on artistry. Here's a link to their latest — "Time for Some Campaignin'" — and here's a link to a production blog that should give you some idea how much perspiration went into it.

I like what they do so much that I'm hesitant to write this next part and toss in a "however."

However, I will. With so much effort going into each frame of animation, you'd think they'd expend a bit more time on their song parody lyrics, particularly in making them rhyme. In most cases, it wouldn't be difficult. For instance, this new video opens as follows...

Come gather 'round, Dick, Condi, Scooter and Rove
It's time to get packin', we must hit the road
But there's wars and recessions and bad mortgage loans
And our legacy needs savin'
So forget he's a jackass who's lib'rally prone
Oh, it's time for some campaignin'.

I'm not sure if the folks who wrote this thought "Rove" rhymes with "road" but if so, they're wrong. "Loans" doesn't rhyme with "prone" because "loans" is plural. "Savin'" does not rhyme with "campaignin'," either.

What baffles me about this kind of lyric is that it's so easy to fix. It could easily go like this...

Come gather 'round, Condi, Rove, Scooter and Dick
It's time to get packin' and hit the road quick
On account of each war and each bad mortgage loan
Our popularity's wainin'
So forget he's a jackass who's lib'rally prone
Oh, it's time for some campaignin'.

That took, literally, under a minute to redo. Give any decent songwriter a half hour and he or she might have improved it into Sondheim territory...or at least The Capitol Steps. The JibJab professionals are so thorough with their graphics and animation and details that it makes me wince that they rhyme "command" with "Vietnam" and "near" with "years." ("Exchange," by the way, does not rhyme with "change." It's the same syllable. It's like rhyming "moon" with "moon.")

Come on, guys. You do everything else so well. Get your lyrics up to the standard of your animation.

Last Saturday morning around 6 AM, two men attempted to rob a restaurant here in Los Angeles. The restaurant was Lawry's the Prime Rib, a fine institution where I like to dine on occassion.

The men put a gun to the skull of one of the chefs and asked, "Where's the money?" Then they demanded to know where the safe was. When the chef told them he couldn't open the safe, the intruders got spooked (that's what it said in all the news reports) and fled. It turned out that the police had been monitoring the two chaps — they'd pulled armed robberies before — and as they left, they were immediately tracked by a police helicopter and pursued by units on the ground.

One of the thieves was shot before they both surrendered and were taken into custody...a nice ending, of course. But there's something I want to know...

Why Lawry's? Of all the places in this city to pull an armed robbery, why Lawry's? At six on a Saturday morning?

How much could they possibly have gotten? True, a meal at Lawry's is not cheap. It's been years since I got out of there for under $40 a person and that's just meat, mashed taters and creamed corn. I'm sure with wine and dessert, it could run twice that...but this just suggests to me that most people pay with credit cards. How much cash might the restaurant actually have had on hand? And what made the crooks think it would be there at six in the ayem or that a guy who cooks Prime Rib for a living would have had access to it? The place doesn't even open until 4:30 in the afternoon on a Saturday. If they did collect any significant amount of cash the night before, would they be likely to keep it on the premises for the whole weekend?

I can understand not wanting to rob a bank. Banks have security guards and cameras and all sorts of anti-robbery devices. But the penalty for armed robbery is pretty much the same wherever you rob. Shouldn't you pick a place that's likely to have a large sum of greenbacks on hand? I'll bet they could have gotten more loot at a Denny's. Plus, at 6 AM, they could have gotten a Grand Slam Breakfast to go.

I held off commenting on this just in case there's a big cash prize for being the one-millionth person on the Internet to comment on the New Yorker cover about Barack Obama...

Yes, you're offended by The New Yorker's cover. You're supposed to be offended by it. The question to me is whether you're offended by the fact that there are people in this country (people who will actually vote) who believe some or all of that about Senator Obama. Or are you offended by the New Yorker summarizing and satirizing that viewpoint? I'm with the first group and I think there's a value to the latter. There are plenty of folks in this country who are now more vocal than ever in denouncing the low I.Q. of those who believe this crap and/or those who know it's a lie and deliberately spread it. I kinda like that. Better to get it out in the open where it can be ridiculed than let it be spread unscathed via e-mails and whispers.

Ultimately, I think Jon Stewart got this one right. Obama should have responded by saying something like, "Of course I'm not offended. Muslim extremists get offended by cartoons and I'm not a Muslim extremist."

1. Do not walk behind me. Do not walk ahead of me. Do not walk beside me. Just leave me alone.
2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and leaky tire.
3. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
4. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
5. Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else.
6. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
7. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
8. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
9. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
11. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
12. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
13. Some days you're the bug; some days you're the windshield.
14. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
15. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
16. A closed mouth gathers no foot.
17. Duct tape is like "The Force." It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
18. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
19. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.
20. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
21. Never miss a good chance to shut up.
22. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

You have a couple of them. You can find out what one is in this list of names for things you never knew had names.

Worth a Click

2006 in media errors and corrections.

One of my favorite places on this planet is the tourist attraction in Los Angeles known as Farmer's Market. Back as late as the 70's, everything in that area then was Gilmore: Gilmore Bank, Gilmore Field, Gilmore Stadium, Gilmore gas station, etc. The Gilmore Bank is still there, though in another building. 

If any of my friends are as fascinated by the place as I am, they might want to check out the new Farmer's Market website. It's just been remodelled and there's a very nice History section with photos aplenty. And now that I've gotten to thinking about it, I have a yearning to dine there. 

Frederick W. Kagan makes the case that victory is still possible in Iraq. I'm a little fuzzy on the current definition of what will constitute "victory" in Iraq and I get the feeling I'm not alone. In any case, that article may tell us what the White House has in mind.

When did Colin Powell become one of those raving left-wing commie loony Surrender Monkeys who hates America and wants to see our troops all die?

Lawrence O'Donnell on the Iraq Study Group report. Briefly, he believes that we're going to have to surrender in Iraq and that the report was a decent plan to do that without calling it "surrender." Critics like Rush Limbaugh, he says, are spoiling that option by identifying it as surrender.

Pat Paulsen was kind of the Stephen Colbert of his day. He was best known as "that comedian who keeps running for president," a bit he did with such deadpan perseverence that a lot of people probably thought he was more serious about it than he actually was.

He also did a lot of routines that came under that category of spontaneous stunts — a category later dominated for a time by a Mr. Andy Kaufman. Paulsen would go on TV shows and explain, with utter intensity and a face straighter than you could possibly imagine, that he could walk on water. Then, after a very long build-up (the kind Kaufman often gave his routines), Mr. Paulsen would attempt to demonstrate his skill and...well, you've never seen a human being get so wet in your life. He got wetter than wet but it never dampened his insistence that he could walk on water...and sometimes (not always), he eventually managed to do it. It was a hilarious bit even if the Mike Douglas audience didn't always know what to make of it.

Paulsen became famous, of course, for his appearances with The Smothers Brothers. He maintained such a bland, emotionless presence on camera that TV execs seemed to shy from him, presuming Americans would never love someone that cold. He did have a brief (13 weeks) series on ABC in 1969.

His family (I think it's his family) has decided that Pat should be running for president again this year, and I think that's great. So what if he's dead? He'd still be better than most of them and he'll get as many electoral votes as Ralph Nader. Here's a link to the campaign website ...

Jack Klugman is suing NBC over his share of profits from the TV series, Quincy, M.E. The show was on from 1976 to 1983 and you have to figure that if that series didn't make truckloads of bucks, nothing could. I mean, it would be like McDonald's claiming there was never any money in selling burgers and fries. Still, at last report, NBC Universal was saying with at least a semi-straight face that Quincy was $66 million in the red so there were no profits to share with the guy who played Quincy.

Does NBC mean this? Of course not. It's just a corporate game wherein they're saying, "Hey, Klugman! If you want your money, you're going to have to fight for it. And we're going to make it so difficult and expensive that maybe you'll forget about it or at least settle for ten cents on the dollar!" They do this because it works. A lot of folks in Klugman's situation don't go to war over the money. Most do settle for a fraction...which is what Mr. Klugman will probably do, too. Companies like Universal save billions (that's billions with a "b") taking the position they take.

Hey, see if you like this as much as I do. This site ran a contest: Design a vintage magazine ad for a modern product. That is to say, show how a current item might have been advertised had it existed back when it didn't exist. Or conversely, entrants could take a vintage product and sell them in a modern way. The only rule was no iPods and no iPhones. Here's what they came up with...and some of them are darned clever. Make sure you read all four pages.

John McCain on Mike Gallagher's radio show for April 2...

"...no one has supported President Bush on Iraq more than I have."

Hey, if that's what you want as our president, he's your guy.

Finally, a "top ten" list about something that's really and truly important...The Top Ten Underappreciated Cuts of Meat. Personally, if I were Ribeye, I'd demand a recount.

The World's Foremost Authority, Professor Irwin Corey.

Reading this news article, the following sentence kinda leaped off the screen at me...

While the pope and Bush differ on such major issues on the Iraq war, capital punishment and the U.S. embargo against Cuba, they do find common ground in opposing abortion, gay marriage and embryonic stem cell research.

The Cecil B. DeMille Estate. (But I did sell my house in Turkey! Yea!)

A tour of your new money.