Sheng talks about getting dissed from the paper towel motion censors and wonders which will come out first: his paper towel or Clay Aiken?

Sheng discusses the need to ramp up his sex life, because currently he’s seeing less action than an all-you-can-eat Ramadan buffet.

Sheng recalls sleeping with a girl so fat that he needed Mapquest to locate her vagina.

Sheng theorizes that life is like a box of condoms: full of hopes and dreams that are never realized.

Sheng is concerned that his hair is receding so much that his forehead will be named site of the next Summer Olympics.

Sheng says he saved a bunch of money on his car insurance by not having any!

Sheng goes bargain clothes shopping at goodwill and bargain sheets shopping at "Soiled Linens & Things."