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The 10 Worst #1 Hits of the Past 10 Years
Who says nobody buys music anymore? People bought THESE songs. In fact they all went to the top of the Billboard charts some time between 1998 and 2008. And they’re all stinkers. Here are the worst songs to go to the top of the charts over the past ten years. Enjoy.
10. “Everything You Want” by Vertical Horizon
How is it possible to make a song this boring go to #1? It’s like a song they would put in the background of a Vagisil commercial. Hey Vertican Horizon, your song is a music bed for an itchy vagina product.
9. “With Arms Wide Open” by NickleCreed
Man, sometimes Christian rock rocks just a little too hard.
8. “Always on Time” by Ja Rule featuring Ashanti
Ja Rule had a little period when everything he did with Ashanti and Jennifer Lopez blew up. He took my order at the Long John Silver’s drive through today in Gardena.
7. Every American Idol Single Ever
Let me guess. It’s gonna be some shitfuck ballad about how you’ve always wanted this your whole life. Yuck.
6. “La Vida Loca” by Ricky Martin
If you didn’t know, “La Vida Loca” is Spanish for “Gay Puerto Rican Elvis”.
5. “Gettin’ Jiggy Wit It” by Will Smith
Remember back when sit-com writers had old people or white people say “jiggy with it” as a comedic device to prove how un-hip they were? “You’re so white, Carl!” Boy that shit sucked. So does this song.
4. “I Knew I Loved You” by Savage Garden
This song makes my pussy cry.
3. “Butterfly” by Crazy Town
How can you possibly be the Poor Man’s Limp Bizkit? This is how.
2. “Laffy Taffy” by D4L
“Girls call me Jolly Rancher/ Cause I stay so hard/ You can suck me for a long time/ Oh my God.” Are not even the worst lyrics of this shit pile. The “Skeet skeet skeet like a water hose” line is. If this song didn’t kill hip-hop, then it certainly gave it AIDS.
1. “My Heart Will Go On” by Celine Dion
This brings back horrible memories, doesn’t it? The haunting, shaky, French-Canadian voice of Celine Dion with a clip montage from Titanic. You own it and it embarrasses you. Or it should.
Comedy.com’s List Master is Mike Bridenstine.
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Tags: List
July 3rd, 2008 at 9:50 am
[...] looks at what they believe are the 10 worst #1 hits of the past 10 years: Who says nobody buys music anymore? People bought THESE songs. In fact they [...]
July 3rd, 2008 at 4:08 pm
You suck at coming up with a list of bad songs. What about all the boy band crap thats out there. And how come Britney isn’t on your list? Vertical Horizon are way better then any of them. And you also forgot the Hanson brothers, Lil’ Jon; you want sucking songs put them on this list. And Savage Garden dosen’t deserve to be on here. Come on, their lyrics and song writing ability far surpasses anyone on this list. Turn on a radio station that plays music form the past 10 years and open your ears, you will know bad #1 hits, just listen to more music. Or go out and buy any of the Now that’s what I Call Music cds.
July 4th, 2008 at 10:17 pm
awesome list. hit the nail on the head there with vertical horizon and stupid ass savage garden, and the american idol thing.
July 5th, 2008 at 6:52 pm
Once had a crappy tape of out-take recording culls scavenged from a dumpster behind a recording studio. It showed up 6 months later as the sound track to a really vile porn flick. It was better than anything listed here. Had we only known that people actually bought crap we would be rich instead of struggling musicians.
July 7th, 2008 at 10:12 pm
What, no milk shake song? Perhaps that crap wasn’t even good enough to make it to #1.
You know, this list definitively proves Charles Darwin wrong. Better not let this thing fall into the hands of the Christian Wrong…
July 27th, 2008 at 4:40 pm
Agree with David.
September 24th, 2008 at 6:19 am
man that laffy taffy video looks like someone’s idea of a comedy parody of rap videos