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Baseball’s All-Ugly Team
While Major League Baseball just announced its All-Star team, we here at Comedy.com went a different rout. Here are the MLB’s ugliest players by position. Enjoy. And before you cry because we made fun of your favorite player from your favorite team, remember that these guys are bazillionaires.
Bartolo Colon - Pitcher
I stopped looking after I remembered Bartolo. He should sell ‘Bartolo Cologne’. It’d probably smell like if Andre the Giant stopped growing. Eat your heart out, Randy Johnson.
Sal Fasano, Gerald Laird - Catcher (Tie)
Sal looks like he’s gonna fix my toilet (after he clogged it) and Laird looks like he can’t find his baseball. That’s a movie reference.
Miguel Cairo - First Base
I could be wrong, but I think Miguel Cairo played the Yellow Bastard in Sin City.
Damion Easley - Second Base
Did you kill someone and wear their skin as a mask?
Edwin Encarnacion - Third Base
Your chin-strap beard is like putting lipstick on a pig. You look like Tracy Morgan with Downs.
Jolbert Cabrera, Jack Wilson - Short Stop (Tie)
Are these Garbage Pail Kids or athletes? Cabrera looks like his neck threw up, but Jack Wilson looks like he could win World’s Ugliest Dog.
Fred Lewis, Chris Duncan - Left Field (Tie)
Fred Lewis’ face apparently caught on fire and they put it out with a bear trap. Chris Duncan looks like he eats tin cans and glass. This one’s a toss up.
Cody Ross - Center Field
Cody Ross’ face froze in 1986. The face he was making: ‘dipshit’.
Ben Francisco - Right Field
There are Halloween masks that aren’t as scary as Ben Francisco.
David Ortiz - Designated Hitter
Big Papi is not the most handsome of men. Great hitter. Head shaped like a trash can.
Comedy.com’s ListMaster is Mike Bridenstine
July 8th, 2008 at 10:09 am
Too bad Willie McGee has retired - ugliest man in baseball: ever!
July 9th, 2008 at 6:03 pm
Mike Ricci is the ugliest man in baseball, and he plays in the NHL
July 9th, 2008 at 8:44 pm
Something about those Duncan brothers…Shelley’s even uglier.
July 9th, 2008 at 8:55 pm
I didn’t realize there were so many ugly big leaguers. I think they all pale in comparison to the KING. Otis Nixon.
July 9th, 2008 at 8:55 pm
where’s henry blanco?!?!
July 9th, 2008 at 8:56 pm
Where’s Freddie Sanchez?
July 9th, 2008 at 9:19 pm
Willie WAS ugly but man, could that guy RUN!!
July 10th, 2008 at 12:36 am
Buhner, baby. Jay Buhner. Winner, hands down. I’d like my prize money in large bills.
July 10th, 2008 at 3:07 am
Randy Johnson should be numero uno.
July 10th, 2008 at 5:02 am
google Don Mossi. Ugly hall of famer.
July 10th, 2008 at 5:29 am
gustavo chacin is a pitcher for the jays who is way uglier than bartolo
July 10th, 2008 at 6:00 am
I’ve been saying it for years…Jack Wilson looks like Steve-O from Jackass!
July 10th, 2008 at 8:34 am
Where is Randy Johnson??? He’s the ugliest player in all of professional sports
July 10th, 2008 at 8:51 am
A couple of other categories –
Retired: Otis Nixon
Sent to Minors: Shelley Duncan
July 10th, 2008 at 9:02 am
ugliest picther: tom gorzelanny from the pirates
July 10th, 2008 at 9:13 am
no Julian Tavarez?
July 10th, 2008 at 9:40 am
I think Derek Bell had them all beat. He looked like he was 80.
July 10th, 2008 at 10:42 am
How is Aaron Harang aka The Harangutan not on this list?
July 10th, 2008 at 11:13 am
Ron Karkovice is not presently listed, but is in the hall of fame.
July 10th, 2008 at 12:11 pm
Placido Polanco has the ugliest head when he takes off his cap.
July 10th, 2008 at 1:22 pm
Sean Gallagher - check out his picture at http://sports.espn.go.com/mlb/players/profile?statsId=8046
July 10th, 2008 at 2:17 pm
Randy Johnson has ugly he will never use. His face could stop a clock.
July 10th, 2008 at 4:16 pm
what no carlos guillen? that is one ugly mf’er
July 10th, 2008 at 4:47 pm
jorge cantu??????? wow how can you guys for get him
July 10th, 2008 at 7:17 pm
That is kind of messed up on Fred Lewis, he has burn marks, that is actually really messed up!
July 10th, 2008 at 7:47 pm
[...] Well, someone seems to think so. [...]
July 10th, 2008 at 8:39 pm
Peter Vukovich of the Brewers looked like he was hit with a curve ball!
July 10th, 2008 at 8:43 pm
Fernando Valuenzuela was a great Dodger, but one ugly amigo!
July 10th, 2008 at 9:06 pm
90% of the Red Sox team could be on this list- that is one UGLY team
(Midget Pedroia, Im talking to you!)
July 10th, 2008 at 11:23 pm
Where’s Lyle Overbay?
July 10th, 2008 at 11:39 pm
You wish you had Cody Ross’ smile.
That being said you missed alot of people, you forgot to put your photo up there.
July 11th, 2008 at 8:24 am
In the old days, it was Manny Sanguillen of the Pirates. When told he was the second best looking player on the team, he was happy. When told the other 24 tied for first, well ….
July 11th, 2008 at 10:58 am
[...] Sneakers. (Cinematical) - Fascinating Fart Facts (Asylum) - Baseball’s All Ugly Team (Comedy.com) - Steve-O talks about Steve-Oey stuff. (Myspace) - Why England should be our 51st State [...]
July 11th, 2008 at 11:07 am
You tasteless bastards.
July 11th, 2008 at 11:14 am
Aaron Harang is the ugliest man in baseball. The comment about Tracy Morgan has me in tears. You hit it on the head!
July 11th, 2008 at 3:32 pm
Where’s Adam Dunn?
July 12th, 2008 at 5:01 pm
How come Jason Giambi or Shelley Duncan aren’t on here. Why is Cody Ross on here? Julian Tavarez is much uglier than Colon. Where is he?
August 10th, 2008 at 9:36 am
hard to argue with ugly. BUT, I bet they all have hot wives or girlfriends… $$$ talks… and women can’t resist it…
unfortunately, if I were a major league ballplayer I’d be on this list… but I’m not and I have no $$$ so…
HA!
August 11th, 2008 at 7:34 pm
Willie McGee was one ugly cuss……..ask ET.
August 17th, 2008 at 11:14 pm
This is about the lamest thing on the internet. Hey, start a new list!
September 26th, 2008 at 12:31 pm
Great website. Now we need an All-Timers Ugly team. If my memory serves me correct the ugliest of the 70s was Otis Nixon and Daryl Chaney.