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The 8 Worst Names in Major Sports
Sports mascot names are all pretty stupid. “Grrrrr. I’m a Tiger!” Nobody is scared. But here are the 8 worst names in major sports. And by ‘major sports’ I’m talking about the NFL, NBA and Major League Baseball. All that other stuff is for foreigners and gypsies.
8. The Cleveland Browns
What’s going on, Cleveland. Your name is the Browns. Your helmets are orange. Everybody dresses like dogs. What gives? I heard they were named after Paul Brown, their old coach. Or Joe Louis (aka “The Brown Bomber”). He’s got pretty much nothing to do with Cleveland. Nobody knows. You have a dumb name.
7. The Utah Jazz and Los Angeles Lakers
If you move from another city, it’d help if your nickname made any sense. Minneapolis Lakers? That makes sense. New Orleans Jazz? That makes sense. But I think Mormons behead you if you play the devils music or dance or something. And Los Angeles has no lakes. They barely have a river.
6. The Sox
Whether it be the Red Sox or White Sox, it’s like teams at the turn of the century weren’t even trying. “Well, boys, we wear these fucking socks. And everybody knows it. Let’s name ourselves after these goddamn socks and spell it wrong”.
5. The San Diego Padres
This is what happens when a minor league city keeps its name when it goes pro. Because minor league teams play Mad Libs or some shit to come up with their awful names. But Padres? What are you, Spanish priests? Ewww.
4. Native American Names
Old issue. Still super racist. The Redskins? Come on. I think they prefer to be called ’savages’ now. That’s not true.
3. The Washington Wizards
They held a contest (because they used to be called the Washington Black Murderers or something) and the Wizards won. The runner up must have been the ‘Crack Pipe Mayors’. Is D.C. known for its wizards? This one makes no sense.
2. The Toronto Raptors
Named after the scary dinosaurs in Jurassic Park. Way to date yourself to 1993. “Informer” by Snow came out the same year. And he’s FROM Toronto. Come on, Raptors. You could have been the ‘Toronto Informers’. A licky boom boom down.
1. The Buffalo Bills
You’re named after Buffalo Bill Cody. But you have a buffalo on your helmet. You’re the Buffalo Buffalos. That’s stupid.
Comedy.com’s ListMaster is Mike Bridenstine.
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July 14th, 2008 at 7:42 pm
What about “Montreal Canadiens”…. How lazy can you get? Also… what about the Packers? they’re named after a moving company! Might as well call them the Green Bay Uhauls.
September 3rd, 2008 at 12:33 pm
It seems that the only people that hate American Indian names are young white suburbanites who have to press their PC ideas on everyone else. I am native American, but my favorite team is Washington Redskins.
The “Soxs’, “Packers”, Canadiens”, etc. where from the day’s when sports where real sports instead of this p*ssy garbage that we have today.