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A bunch of people have been arrested for humping on Dubai’s beaches. Scientists are saying sex in space is ‘inevitable’. We’re pervs, so that inspired us. Here is a list of the top places on Earth that we’d like to ‘do it’. And, no, ‘Marisa Miller’s Bed’ doesn’t count. Although we would totally ‘do it’ there.

 

 

And we’re going to have comedians, Mike Burns and Mike Holmes guess how many times people have ‘done it’ at said locations.

 

 

9. The Taj Mahal (in that reflective pool)

 

 

On second thought, it’s India, so you might get the plague or something from the water. But if it was sanitary, there’s probably no better pool to nail somebody in.

 

Mike Burns’ Guess: 85. “I’d like to do that”.
Mike Holmes’ Guess: 0. “Actually on further reflection… still zero”.

 

8. The Great Wall of China

 

 

We were going to say “Tiananmen Square, in front of a tank”, but of all the places in China, this one would probably be the best one to desecrate.

 

Burns’ Guess: 850,000.
Holmes’ Guess: 7. “One guy masturbated.”

 

7. Home plate at Wrigley Field

 

 

So many baseball/sex euphemisms. And the Friendly Confines of Wrigley Field. We’d say Fenway Park, but the Red Sox went to the darkside.

 

Burns’ Guess: 6
Holmes Guess: 2. “Although I think Henry Blanco once gave Geovany Soto a handjob during a walkoff home run celebration”.

 

6. At the Louvre, in front of Mona Lisa.

 

 

Only because we’re guessing it’s really frowned upon.

 

Burns’ Guess: 0. “That chick’s gross”.
Holmes’ Guess: 0. “Though a security guard may have jacked it one night”.

 

5. Superman - The Ride

 

 

We don’t even know if this is possible. But if it is, then sign us up. Any roller coaster will do, but this one is supposed to be one of the best.

 

Burns’ Guess: 6-7 handjob misconstrued for bird droppings.
Holmes’ Guess: 0. “You get strapped in to those things”.

 

4. The Lincoln Bedroom

 

 

Some people like to get watched. Some people like to be watched by the ghost of Abraham Lincoln. Honest Abe would tell you that you need to work on your stamina.

 

Burns’ Guess: “Lincoln probably did 6-7 dudes in there. Other than that, 30-40″.
Holmes’ Guess: 700.

 

3. In the Roman Colosseum

 

 

After you’ve ‘finished’, you have to yell, “Are you not entertained!” And then try to mask your embarrassment when the answer is no.

 

Burns’ Guess: “Those were debaucherous times. 2000? Although I bet one time they had 8 million dudes fuck in there”.
Holmes’ Guess: 500. “Four of which were dudes who were fucked by lions”.

 

2. Aboard Air Force One.

 

 

If you’re going to join the mile high club, you might as well be Presidential about it.

 

Burns’ Guess: 50-60 times by JFK. Clinton probably jacked it up there a few times. All the other First Ladies are gross. Who wants to do their old hag wives on a nice airplane? Although I think Obama is going to get the J-O-B D-O-N-E”.
Holmes’ Guess: “5 people, but Bill Clinton is the only guy involved. And I count Hilary as a guy”.

 

1. On top of the Great Sphinx of Giza

 

 

We’d pick the pyramids, but we think it’s impossible. The Sphinx is the next-best Egypty place. You’d get sand all over your hoo-ha, but it’d be worth it.

 

Burns’ Guess: 6 lonely British archeologists.
Holmes’ Guess: 0. “Though some slave probably had to give a blowjob”.

 

 

Comedy.com’s ListMaster is Mike Bridenstine.

Tags: lists, sex

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