Who’s got 2008 Olympic fever? We do! Well, we’ll probably watch a few things. The Olympics also has some pretty terrible sports. Here are the 8 worst.

Current Sports

Shooting

How athletic of you! You shoot a gun at targets. Who is the Michael Jordan of your sport - Lee Harvey Oswald? I’m not watching it until some hillbilly is the gold medal favorite and he likes to yell “Kiss my ass, Osama” every time he shoots.

Synchronized Swimming

Unless you have seen the boner-inducing photos of the Feres Sisters, then this is event is a snoozefest. And let’s see how hot the Feres Sisters look in swimcaps and googles while gasping for air during some ridiculous water twirl. Maybe we’ll still get a halfy.

Sailing

Yachts have no place in athletic competition. Especially when Styx wrote your unofficial theme song.

Table Tennis

First of all, nobody calls it ‘table tennis’. And we’re against ping pong being in the Olympics until they also allow air hockey and Golden Tee. Or that game where you fold up paper into a triangle and try to flick field goals between your friends’ finger goal post.

Diving

Sorry Greg Louganis fans, seeing how gracefully you fall is a dumb sport. Biggest cannonball, however, sounds pretty sweet.

Former Sports

Tug of War

They seriously had the tug of war in the Olympics like, six times. Now it’s a throwaway event on Real World/Road Rules Challenge.

Croquet

Yes, croquet existed at the 1900 Olympics in Paris. I wonder if they all played ironically, argued over who got to be what color and nobody really knew what the rules were.

Ballooning

Hot air balloons were some sort of demonstration sport at the 1900 Paris Olympics. Between this, croquet and whatever ’surf lifesaving’ is, the Paris Olympics sounds like it was the weirdest ever.

U-S-A! U-S-A!

Comedy.com’s ListMaster is Mike Bridenstine.

Tags: lists, olympics

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