The 9 Most Annoying Conversations You’ll Be Having On Thanksgiving
It’s time for Thanksgiving everybody. And you know what that means - annoying conversations with your stupid friends and relatives. Here are the 9 most annoying conversations you’ll be having on Thanksgiving. Maybe you can change the subject by showing them this Thanksgiving video of turkeys gone wild or something.
9. Tryptophan
Yes, we did know the chemical in turkey that makes us tired is called tryptophan. We have this goddamn conversation every year. Can’t we talk about THC or something a little more awesome that also makes us tired?
8. Christmas ads are on earlier this year.
Who are you - Andy Rooney? They can run Christmas ads all year round for all we care. Maybe it’ll make us less annoyed that our hillbilly neighbors don’t take their Christmas lights down until June for whatever reason.
7. Turducken
Uninteresting people have gigantic conversation boners for this gross-looking turducken shit that nobody talks about unless it’s Thanksgiving. Inevitably somebody just found out about it. Apparently they just got the Food Network in the rock they live under. Same thing goes for…
6. Deep Fried Turkey Accidents
Did the local news just do an expose about some dipshit’s house blowing up because they tried to deep fry a turkey? It’s called “Survival of the Fittest” for a reason. These people clearly weren’t meant to pass on their genes. The only real surprise is that they didn’t wait until the 4th of July to have their Darwin Awards holiday.
5. What games are on?
If you seriously care so much, why didn’t you do a little research before you showed up? We bet that Titans-Lions game should be a real doosey. Better turn on that nail biter first thing when you get there.
4. The person who initially wanted total control over dinner preparations and then complains nobody is helping them
There’s nothing like your hypocritical relative who wants it both ways. Guess what? We’re still not helping. We’re sticking with Plan A. You do it.
3. Should we invite “Steve” to dinner?
You have some poor schmuck friend who can’t afford to head back to his/her hometown for the holidays. He’s going to suck the entire time, but you know you’ll feel like a dick for not inviting him. You have to devise a scheme to not be friends with “Steve” by this time next year.
2. Lumpy gravy and oyster stuffing
Somebody always has to give their two cents on some terrible variation of a holiday classic. “I prefer raisins in my stuffing.” “I like a more lumpy gravy.” “I hate marshmallows in my sweet potatoes.” Here’s our advice; stay at home and eat whatever the fuck you want. Eat your oyster raisin stuffing to your little heart’s content. There are obviously several variations on everything you’ll be eating. That doesn’t give you the right to speak. Please go back to the kid’s table and don’t complain that you are the only person sitting there.
1. What is everyone thankful for this year?
Really? We’re really doing this? Are we some cheesedick family from a 1950’s Norman Rockwell painting? We’re thankful for free 30 second Internet porn preview videos and the scotch bottle Uncle Gary brought over. Can we say that at the table?
What did we miss? What other annoying conversations can you think of? Let us know in the comments. And happy Thanksgiving. But just to Americans. Canada already had their Thanksgiving.
Tags: deep fried turkey, deep fried turkey accident, thanksgiving, Thanksgiving conversations, turducken, turkey
November 25th, 2008 at 3:02 am
I had sex with a zog.
Not a tuba.
November 25th, 2008 at 7:08 am
People that have died that cant join us.
I think everyone realizes who’s dead and whos not dead in their families. I understand if someone died within the last year, that it may be tough to go through a Tnaksgiving without them, but Im talking about relatives that have been dead since “two thousand zero, zero party’s over, oops outta time!”
The last 8 Thanksgivings have have still had Turkey and the same bullshit conversations, maybe they decessed takes joy in not having to be apart of a day filled with annoyance…. One
November 25th, 2008 at 10:07 am
[...] -Helen Tucker has boobs and underwear in Maxim -Weekly sex Q&A answers the age old question: Why does the vag stink? -What do women want from a man? -Jennifer Walcott is a sexy MILF -The 9 most annoying conversations you’ll be having on Thanksgiving [...]
November 25th, 2008 at 12:10 pm
“mommy, why is dada shoving his hand in the turkeys bottom?”
November 26th, 2008 at 3:24 am
[...] The 9 Most Annoying conversations you’ll be having on Thanksgiving - [The Comedy Feed] [...]
November 26th, 2008 at 8:34 am
My mom commenting on how she can cook an even better Asian-ized turkey, every freakin year..
November 26th, 2008 at 10:22 am
Politics. If I have to tell Uncle Louie that Obama isn’t some secret A-rab *one more time….*
November 26th, 2008 at 10:29 am
The most annoying part about the Tryptophan conversation is that it’s not true
http://www.snopes.com/food/ingredient/turkey.asp
November 26th, 2008 at 10:33 am
Politics of course…
When you are trying to enjoy your meal and 20 different people ask you if you want some of mamas sweet potatoes. “Do you want some?” “Hey you want a bite of these” “Oh these potatoes are so good”
“stfu grandma if I wanted sweet potatoes I would have told you to give me some.
Now give me some sweet potatoes.”
November 26th, 2008 at 10:51 am
So when are you getting married, having kids, getting divorced, finding a job, etc.
November 26th, 2008 at 11:13 am
“You’re in college?!?!?!”
“Yea.”
“And you study _____?”
“Yea.”
“OMG! I HAS CUZZIN THAT STUDIES THAT! YOU NEEDS HALP? I CAN HOOK YOU UP! I WANTED TO DO THATS TOO!”
“…okay…”
November 26th, 2008 at 12:35 pm
The most annoying thing about the tryptophan/turkey thing is that turkey doesn’t even have an especially high quantity of it. Beef, pork and chicken have the same amount. Eggs have four times as much.
November 26th, 2008 at 12:58 pm
For vegetarians. Trying to explain that no, they don’t eat meat. No not chicken or turkey either.
And no Uncle Frank, I don’t eat fish, that’s still meat.
Yes Granpa, some people still eat chicken and fish, and call themselves vegetarians. No, I don’t know why…
Poor veggie eaters… Every year they go through this.
Not just Thanksgiving either. Any holiday with turkey (in other words, all of them)
November 26th, 2008 at 1:51 pm
My incredibly racist uncle and his family decided they aren’t coming this year, so at least I won’t have to listen to the “Can you believe we have a n-word as the president now?” conversation. Praise be, Christmas came early this year.
November 26th, 2008 at 1:52 pm
“Can you freeze that?” “Yeah, you can freeze it?” “For how long?”
“So, I hear you didn’t vote for McCain….”
“Do you remember when so-and-so did [place really embarrassing thing here]? Let’s laugh at so-and-so for the rest of his/her natural life.”
“It takes so long to make all of this stuff and then everyone’s done in ten minutes. It’s a shame, really.”
November 26th, 2008 at 3:42 pm
The route they took to drive here. We don’t care about the construction that’s going on outside of Springfield. We don’t care that this new route seems to be better than the way you used to take. We’ve got GPS; you’re here now; STFU about how you did it.
November 26th, 2008 at 3:58 pm
I feel sorry for you.
November 26th, 2008 at 4:42 pm
wow, week attempt at mimicking the cracked.com article sarcasm. I can’t believe this made it so high on reddit. You probably wrote this article in less time than it takes you to look up an extreme fetish on 4chan.
November 26th, 2008 at 5:05 pm
Actually, somebody will probably point out that tryptophan does NOT, in fact, cause sleepiness. The amounts of tryptophan you’d have to ingest to make you sleepy would be about 50 turkeys. You get sleepy because of all that protein and the digestion process.
November 26th, 2008 at 8:41 pm
It may only apply to the “dating” portion of your life, but what about the “So when are you two getting married?” conversation?
November 27th, 2008 at 10:34 am
Hearing about your cousins achievements and how much better they are than you. Or hearing about your aunt and uncles new summer house down at the lake. Most of my family thinks they shit sugar covered rose pedals.
November 27th, 2008 at 9:02 pm
My favorite:
“Where is the family Christmas party going to be this year?”…
Then 2 or 3 people answer and that starts a fight…
November 28th, 2008 at 1:58 am
How about the: So, hows college? What are your plans after college? What job do you want to get? Thinking about a masters? How about a masters program at bla bla bla, Still working at so and so? Yea? How do you like it? Oh, man I love there pie…don’t you?
COLLEGE SUCKS. I ENROLLED BC I WANT MONEY JUST LIKE EVERYONE ELSE. MY PLANS AFTER COLLEGE ARE TO MAKE MONEY JUST LIKE EVERYONE ELSE. I WANT A JOB JUST LIKE EVERYONE ELSE THAT PAYS ME MONEY SO I WON’T HAVE TO GO BACK TO FUCKING COLLEGE TO SACRIFICE MORE TIME OUT OF MY LIFE. YES I’M STILL WORKING AT SO IN SO BC WHAT “NEW” JOB AM I SUPPOSED TO GET WHILE I’M STILL IN COLLEGE THAT WILL PAY ME THE SAME $10 AN HR. I FUCKING HATE IT THERE WHICH IS WHY I DON’T LIKE THEIR FUCKING PIE. FUCK!
November 28th, 2008 at 6:59 am
” My, my, my . Look how little ( fill in the name ) has grown.” What did you expect them to do get smaller each year ?
November 28th, 2008 at 9:14 am
Why college football needs a playoff system. I have heard all the arguments on ESPN already, and even though I agree with a few of them I seriously doubt that if the great minds in the sporting world haven’t gotten it done by now they aren’t going to listen to your hairbrained scheme!
December 1st, 2008 at 10:35 am
The worst was, why don’t you have a good job like your beautiful, blonde cousin.
December 2nd, 2008 at 6:38 pm
Actually, there’s not enough tryptophan in turkey to make you tired; it’s a myth. You get tired from eating so much food.
December 16th, 2008 at 9:10 pm
Damn that Turducken conversation and the horse it rode in on! Don’t these people see the first four letters of the word…
Then another conversation is the one about the pilgrim’s and how we gave the indians the diseased blankets, etc… and ranting on and on. I have a weird family, it’s sad. It happens every year.
December 27th, 2008 at 3:07 pm
We don’t celebrate the day. We mourn the loss of our land,traditions,and way of life before the European invasion. We spend the day fasting, and in prayer for the loss of all we once were.! M’sit Nokamaq Gol Mi’kmaq Nation