When it comes to covering Hollywood’s hottest events, Comedy.com has a very specific strategy - go to the ones with women who are most likely to put out. That’s why it was a no-brainer for us to attend the red carpet premiere of Digital Playground’s new adult film (read: porn film) Pirates 2: Stagnetti’s Revenge. Our special porn correspondent Shannon Hatch captured all of the “action,” on the red carpet, scoring interviews with porn stars such as Jesse Jane, Evan Stone, Tommy Gunn, and a mother-daughter duo who tell us more than we needed to know about their family business. It was the most fun we’ve had since the last time we hung out with porn stars.

When a group of about two dozen celebrities gather together for a good cause, it’s rare that anything actually entertaining comes out of it. But in the case of this “Don’t Vote” video, Leonardo DiCaprio, Halle Berry, Dustin Hoffman, Jamie Foxx, and friends prove that they actually are more than the sum of their parts. It’s almost as good as the last video we saw a bunch of celebrities team up for.

This video from some British television network features a bunch of “celebrities” (in the loosest/most British sense of the word) saying what their favorite swear words are. It’s oddly more entertaining than it sounds like it would be.

Our favorite new Daily Show correspondent Wyatt Cenac was recently the subject of a Daily Show Profile and in it, you learn all kinds of interesting things about the latest member of the Best F*cking News Team Ever. For example, we discovered that he became a journalist because he doesn’t like to help people and that he’s not afraid to tell Brian Williams to “eat a dick.”

Sure, Titanic was a ridiculously huge success and one of the highest-grossing films of all time, but that doesn’t mean that it couldn’t have been improved. For example, how much more entertaining would the movie have been with Samuel L. Jackson in the starring role instead of Leo DiCaprio? Judging from this audition tape, it would have probably made another $100 million at least.

In today’s unexpected comedy star news of the day, Bill Gates turns in a solid comedic performance opposite Jerry Seinfeld in this new commercial for Microsoft. And it only cost Gates about $10 million to convince Seinfeld to pretend to be his friend. Oh, they also co-star with a couple of churros.

In a world…where Hollywood’s most legendary movie trailer voiceover actor Don LaFontaine passed away this week, it would be hard to find a better tribute to his work than this video which mashes up some of his best work into one “best of” Don LaFontaine trailer.

Solange Knowles is best known for being Beyonce’s sister, but she’s well on her way to becoming known for her own thing - bitching out the media that interviews her. In this clip, Solange opens up the interview by ripping the news anchor who introduces her for something that Solange apparently thought was said on the air (even though it wasn’t). Awkward.