One of our favorite things about living in Hollywood is having the opportunity to watch the parade of Hollywood douchebags go by on just about every block in town. But if you don’t get that opportunity where you live, you can now enjoy the experience with a little help from Spike Feresten and this Hollywood Douchebag video (not to be confused with this Douche Off video which is equally douche-tastic.)

Happiness is a warm gun (bang bang shoot shoot).

So I meet this girl and I meet a lot of them. I am pretty simple: I write comedy, tell jokes, drink, run (sometimes when I’m drunk) (not really) and meet women (mostly when I am drunk) (yes, really).

I have a magical belt that attracts crazy chicks. Perhaps I am the common denominator in this equation and perhaps I live in a city where the average girl was the hottest girl from wherever she used to live and doesn’t want a relationship, she wants to further her career. Nothing wrong with this. I am here to do the same thing, but in the interim, I would like some extracurricular activity.

I am more open to having a girlfriend than I am to randomly sleeping with people, but in this city that’s not very realistic. So, I comply. No one here wants to date, they just want to have fun. So, where is the problem? I guess I am getting older and the lifestyle of a 22-year-old male occasionally wears on me.

Fact: There was a two-week period a few weeks ago where I slept with six different girls. A singer in a band, (see: actress/bartender), a stripper (see: drug addict/actress), a girl from a TV show (see: expensive), a comic (see: actress/waitress), a music video dancer (see: bendy…and while you are there also see: thank you kindest heaven above) and a groupie (see: thank you again, lucky stars).

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When it comes to covering Hollywood’s hottest events, Comedy.com has a very specific strategy - go to the ones with women who are most likely to put out. That’s why it was a no-brainer for us to attend the red carpet premiere of Digital Playground’s new adult film (read: porn film) Pirates 2: Stagnetti’s Revenge. Our special porn correspondent Shannon Hatch captured all of the “action,” on the red carpet, scoring interviews with porn stars such as Jesse Jane, Evan Stone, Tommy Gunn, and a mother-daughter duo who tell us more than we needed to know about their family business. It was the most fun we’ve had since the last time we hung out with porn stars.