Misc. Jokes
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The Maid
A guy calls home from work and a strange woman answers the phone. So the guy asks,"who is this?" "This is the maid," answers the w... All in the Timing A tour guide was leading a group of tourists through a dinosaur exhibit at the natural history museum. "Can you tell us how old t... Arnold and friends When Arnold Schwartzenegger was a young boy living in Austria, he and his friends used to enjoy a game in which they pretended they ... Spelling in School... It's recess at a local elementary school in California. After the 2nd grade class comes back inside, the teacher asks Alice, "What ... Old Man in a Bar There was once this young guy sitting at a bar, minding his own business when this old man came up to him and said, "I had sex with ... Noah in the 90's! The Lord spoke to Noah and said, "Noah, in six months I am going to make it rain until the whole world is covered with water and all... Rodent Rocket? , tact"In retrospect, lighting the match was my big mistake. But I was only trying to retrieve the gerbil, " Eric told doctors in th... Near Death A 30 year old woman named Mary goes into the hospital after being hit by a car. When she is laying on a table in the emergency room,... Acme Computerized Crystal Ball A representative of the Acme Company was making a product presentation of the Acme Computerized Crystal Ball to an executive of a to... Tennis anyone? What name do you call a girl lying in the middle of a tennis court? Cure for Migraines When the doctor takes his history and does the physical exam, he discovers that his poor patient has had practically every therapy k... Love at First Sight A man met a beautiful lady and he decided he wanted to marry her right away. She said, "But we don't know anything about each other... A Perfect Opportunity Two men held up a bank. They cleaned out the cash drawers and then herded the tellers and clerks into the vault. They were getti... The Untold Quasimodo Story After Quasimodo's death, the bishop of the cathedral of Notre Dame sent word through the streets of Paris that a new bellringer was ... Weight-loss Program A fellow was reading the paper one day lamenting the fact that his doctor has ordered him to lose 75 pounds. Next thing he sees is ... The 3 Little Pigs....Updated Once upon a time, there were 3 little pigs. The straw pig, the stick pig and the brick pig. One day, this nasty old wolf came up t... Antenna Wedding Did you hear about the two antennas that got married?....the wedding was a disaster...but the reception was great!!!!! In the Spirit of Hearing At a conference on the supernatural, one of the speakers asked, "Who here has seen a ghost?" Most hands went up. "And how many of ... In Uniform One policeman says to the other: "When I get home, I am going to rip the wife's knickers and bra off." "That's a bit harsh, is... Knitting A lady was riding a bicycle without holding the handlebars, and she was knitting at the same time. Soon she was noticed by a policem... In Keeping With the Season..... Thursday, as my girlfriend was puttering around in the kitchen, getting ready to cook our turkey, she said to me, "Did you thaw the ... The Sick Drunks One night there were two drunks lying in a ditch, and one had his finger up the other one's butt. A police officer was driving by an... Top Things to Say When Your Boss Catches You Sleeping 1) "They told me at the blood bank that this might happen." 2) "Whew! Guess I left the top off the correction fluid." 3) "This... Fast Food Foibles How did the Dairy Queen get pregnant? Boys will be Boys Two little boys were in the hospital. The first kid leaned over and asked, "What are you in here for?" The second kid said, "I'... |
