Misc. Jokes
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Parrot
An old man gets on the subway one afternoon, and sits down across from a punk rocker with red, green, yellow and orange hair and fea... A Vocabulary Lesson arachnoleptic fit, n: The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web. Beelzebug, n: Sa... Growing Wild! One day a twenty-something man stepped out of the shower and caught his reflection in the bathroom mirror. He said to himself, "Hmm... Signs it's Time to Stop Breastfeeding! 10. Child can now open your blouse by himself. 9. The kid starts burping up silicone. 8. Child has developed a bad habit of ... Life`s Lesson Two men, both seriously ill, occupied the same hospital room. One man was allowed to sit up in his bed for an hour each afternoon to... K-Mart Dan, a college student, is home for summer break. In order to make a few extra bucks he decides that he is going to apply for a par... Pierre the fighter pilot Pierre, a brave French fighter pilot, takes his girlfriend, Marie, out for a pleasant little picnic by the River Seine. It's a beaut... Two Prostitutes There were two prostitutes out riding around looking for clients with a sign in their car that said: "Prostitutes for hire." They w... 2 flies Two flies were happily buzzing around, when they landed on a person's butt. Which one was on drugs? The one on the crack. The Ten C's of Internet Using 1. Connection - Heh... what connection? 2. Complicated - Once you finally connect to the Internet (see #1), the thing that they ... Think About It If it seems like you are having one of those days where everyone is trying to piss you off... Remember, it takes 42 muscles to fr... Boys will be boys... Three boys went fishing by a stream. One of the boys left and was peeking through some nearby bushes. When the other two boys went t... The Cubs Did you hear Sammy Sosa got traded. They traded him for Monica Lewinsky and now the whole team sucks. Overload Overload A state cop was following a pickup truck down the road, when the guy in the truck suddenly stopped, got out, and banged ... Let's go hunting!! A young man from the city went to visit his farmer uncle. For the first few days, the uncle showed him the usual things- chickens, c... Saved by the Erection A nurse says to an old man in a hospital, "Is there anything I can get you to make your stay more comfortable?" He says, "Yes, yo... Two Drunks Two drunks were walking home down the railroad tracks late one night. One drunk turns to the other and says, "These are the longe... Tongue tied PersonA approaches the bus stop and inquires from personB with a stammer... "H...h.has..th..th..the b..bus n..number f..f...f...fort... Grenade During Marine field training at Parris Island, S.C., my son Mike's drill instructor threw a pine cone among the recruits and yelled,... Turning Eighty An old man went in to see the doctor and said, "Doc, I'm turning eighty tomorrow. I've hired a hooker for the night, and I'd love t... Hell's life One day, a guy dies and finds himself in hell. As he is wallowing in despair, he has his first meeting with the Devil. Devil: Wh... 30 Years Ago and Today A COMPARISON OF THE OPENING DAY OF SCHOOL THIRTY YEARS AGO AND TODAY THIRTY YEARS AGO---Mrs. Carlson receives an apple from... Neophyte Preacher A young minister had just got out of the seminary, got his first church, and was preaching his first sermon. He started out with a q... It Coulda Been Worse Two deputy sheriffs were at the crime scene investigating a gruesome double murder-suicide. They were in the bedroom where the crime... How Do You Pronounce Kissimee? A man and his wife were driving their Recreational Vehicle across the country and were nearing a town spelled Kissimee. They not... |
