Misc. Jokes
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Two Sets of Lips
Q: Why did God give women two sets of lips? Balloon Management A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realises he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon fu... DALLAS OR BUST! There's a blonde sitting on an airplane when a gentleman walks up and says, "Excuse me, miss, but you are sitting in my seat." Th... College Athlete Exam COLLEGE ENTRANCE EXAM FOR STUDENT ATHLETES Time Limit: 3 WEEKS 1. What language is spoken in France? 2. Give a dissertation... Doctor Guilt One afternoon a doctor had an affair with one of his patients. After sending his patient home, the doctor had a little voice insi... Seen on a Tee Shirt Seen on a tee shirt: If you don't believe in oral sex, keep your mouth shut. Newspaper Headlines! I was reading in the paper today and I guess about a week ago this guy was trying to hire somebody to kill his wife. So he called u... Ouch ! What's the difference between a dentist and a sadist? Two Missionaries in Hot Water In the deepest jungles of Africa, two missionaries were seized by a tribe of hostile cannibals. The cannibals then stripped the miss... Go Home A man leaves home and goes straight, makes a left turn, goes straight, makes another left. Then again goes straight, makes yet anoth... Bumper Sticker Constipated people don't give a crap. Small Wonder A man on the psychiatrist's couch tells the doctor that everyone hates him. "Nonsense," says the doctor. "But tell me why you think ... Wrong place There was an old miser who was close to death. While on his deathbed, he gathered his family around to tell them his last requests.... Always Pay Your Bill I can understand why men don't like vasectomies...My uncle got a vasectomy, and paid for it with his Mastercard. But he forgot t... The Cop and Ralph One day an old man named Ralph went driving on his favorite highway. Twenty minutes into the trip, he looks in his rear-view mirror... Parrot An old man gets on the subway one afternoon, and sits down across from a punk rocker with red, green, yellow and orange hair and fea... A Vocabulary Lesson arachnoleptic fit, n: The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web. Beelzebug, n: Sa... Signs it's Time to Stop Breastfeeding! 10. Child can now open your blouse by himself. 9. The kid starts burping up silicone. 8. Child has developed a bad habit of ... Life`s Lesson Two men, both seriously ill, occupied the same hospital room. One man was allowed to sit up in his bed for an hour each afternoon to... K-Mart Dan, a college student, is home for summer break. In order to make a few extra bucks he decides that he is going to apply for a par... Two Prostitutes There were two prostitutes out riding around looking for clients with a sign in their car that said: "Prostitutes for hire." They w... 2 flies Two flies were happily buzzing around, when they landed on a person's butt. Which one was on drugs? The one on the crack. The Ten C's of Internet Using 1. Connection - Heh... what connection? 2. Complicated - Once you finally connect to the Internet (see #1), the thing that they ... Think About It If it seems like you are having one of those days where everyone is trying to piss you off... Remember, it takes 42 muscles to fr... Boys will be boys... Three boys went fishing by a stream. One of the boys left and was peeking through some nearby bushes. When the other two boys went t... |
