Misc. Jokes
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The Cubs
Did you hear Sammy Sosa got traded. They traded him for Monica Lewinsky and now the whole team sucks. Overload Overload A state cop was following a pickup truck down the road, when the guy in the truck suddenly stopped, got out, and banged ... Let's go hunting!! A young man from the city went to visit his farmer uncle. For the first few days, the uncle showed him the usual things- chickens, c... Saved by the Erection A nurse says to an old man in a hospital, "Is there anything I can get you to make your stay more comfortable?" He says, "Yes, yo... Tongue tied PersonA approaches the bus stop and inquires from personB with a stammer... "H...h.has..th..th..the b..bus n..number f..f...f...fort... Grenade During Marine field training at Parris Island, S.C., my son Mike's drill instructor threw a pine cone among the recruits and yelled,... Neophyte Preacher A young minister had just got out of the seminary, got his first church, and was preaching his first sermon. He started out with a q... How Do You Pronounce Kissimee? A man and his wife were driving their Recreational Vehicle across the country and were nearing a town spelled Kissimee. They not... Add ages for the New Millennium Live long enough to be a problem to your kids. Money talks - but all mine ever says is goodbye. Drag the Joneses down to your ... Fishin' for Trouble A couple went on vacation to a fishing resort up north. The husband liked to fish at the crack of dawn; the wife preferred to read.... Drunk & lost A man at a bar gets really drunk. Some guys decide to be good Samaritans and get him home. So... Deadheads & stoners Q: How many Deadheads does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: None. They just follow it around for 30 years thinking it's still... mixed emotions What is the definition of mixed emotions? When your mother-in-law drives your brand new Porsche off a cliff. Three Nuns Three nuns were talking. The first nun said, "I was cleaning in Father's room the other day and do you know what I found? A bunch of... Who Made Humans? Three freshman engineering students were sitting around one day arguing about who might've designed the human body. The first one... Attorney Job Applicant: "I'm looking for a job as a consultant." Employer: "I'm sorry, we already have enough cosultants." Applicant:... Grandpa One day this little boy goes up to his grandpa and says, "Grandpa can you do me a favor?" "What do you want?" "Can you talk ... The Alarm SYSTEM: Attention. Alert registered. CENTRAL: Alert? Number One, report! NUMBER ONE: Sir! We're picking up l... Work vs Prison In prison you spend the majority of your time in an 8'x10' cubicle. At work you spend most of your time in a 6'x8' cubicle. In p... Lunch Time Excitement Two Texans were having lunch at their favorite restaurant when they noticed a young woman at the next table having trouble breathing... Emergency Flashers A car breaks down along the expressway one day, so the driver eases it over onto the shoulder of the highway. He jumps out of the... Ink Blot This man walks into his psychiatrist's office, and the psychiatrist has an ink blot test prepared for that him day. The psychiatr... Man On a Roof There is a huge flood and a man sits on his roof. He starts panicking, knowing he can't swim. This man happens to be a priest and de... Pope In a Limo One day the Pope was going to a United Nations meeting in New York. When his plane arrived, the airport was mobbed. Finally, the P... Eternal Youth The police recently arrested a man selling tablets which he claimed gave eternal youth. When going through the files, the police not... |
