"Hello everyone. This is your pilot speaking. If you look to your left, you will see that our left wing is on fire. If you look to the right, you will see that the right wing is hanging by a thin piece of metal. If you look straight down into the Atlanic ocean, you will see a little yellow raft with three people in it waving at you. They are me, the co-pilot, and a stewardess. Enjoy the rest of your flight."

*THIS IS A RECORDING*