Jokes

16) Child comes home without glasses claiming to have lost them in a game of "Lord of the Flies."

15) Your son thinks making hand-puppets requires a paper bag, some waterpaints, and no pants.

14) "OK, kids! Gather 'round the pentagram for sing-a-long time!"

13) Potty training involves a lighter, a clip and rolling papers.

12) First school fund-raiser is for the Salman Rushdie fatwa reward prize.

11) No student has ever jumped from Mary Margaret's School for the Gender Ambiguous directly into the NBA.

10) Practice of "trapping and killing your lunch" not mentioned in brochure.

9) Leather-clad teacher announces that the letters for today are S and M.

8) Two words: Full Montessori

7) The classroom hamster is really just a wad of cotton from an aspirin bottle.

6) She can't say her ABC's, but she can re-sole your Nikes in 20 seconds flat.

5) Even the baby bottles have pierced nipples.

4) For snack time, it's always anchovies and Clamato.

3) "Do-Bee" always seems to have the munchies.

2) The teacher sends home a note reading, "Your snot-nosed little bastard keeps getting into my tequila."

and the Number 1 Sign You Put Your
Kid in the Wrong Pre-School...

1) On the first day, the children are divided into "pimps" and "hos."