Jokes

This preacher had a parrot, but there was one problem, the parrot cussed too much.

One day the parrot was upstairs with the preacher's son, who was drinking at the time. The preacher's son walks down the stairs, trips on a beer bottle, and says, "Oh Shit! I think I broke my dick!" So the parrot goes, "Oh Shit! I think I broke my dick!" The preacher's son goes, "Well, that's it you're out of here, parrot." So he sends him to this lumberjack.

The lumberjack was chopping down a tree, when all of the sudden the tree falls down the wrong way. He moves out of the way and says, "If I wouldn't have moved, I'd have been fucked up!" So the parrot goes, "If I wouldn't have moved, I'd have been fucked up!" The lumberjack goes, "Well that's it, you're outta here, parrot." So he sends him to this old lady.

The old lady was outside, sitting on the porch when she calls out, "Son, get out here and check on this pig." The son goes, "Ma, the pig's dead." The old lady goes, "Kick the old bitch! She ain't dead!" So the parrot goes, "Kick the old bitch! She ain't dead!" But the old lady didn't hear him.

So, Sunday rolls around, and they bring the parrot to church with them. The preacher, noticing that used to be his parrot, sits him on a pedestal to sing church songs with everyone. So the parrot is singing along, when all of the sudden, he falls off the pedestal. "Oh shit! I think I broke my dick!" The preacher gets mad and throws a Bible at him. He moves out of the way and says, "If I wouldn't have moved, I would have been fucked up!" The old lady hears the bird talk this way and faints. So the parrot goes, "Kick the old bitch! She ain't dead!"