Jokes

The Smiths
> were unable to conceive children and decided to use a
> surrogate father to start their family. On the day the
> proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife
> goodbye and said, 'Well, I'm off now. The man
> should be here soon.' Half an hour later, just by
> chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened to ring
> the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. 'Good morning,
> Ma'am', he said, 'I've come to...'
> 'Oh, no need to explain,' Mrs. Smith cut in,
> embarrassed, 'I've been expecting you.'
> 'Have you really?' said the photographer.
> 'Well, that's good. Did you know babies are my
> specialty?' 'Well that's what my husband and I
> had hoped. Please come in and have a seat'. After a
> moment she asked, blushing, 'Well, where do we
> start?' 'Leave everything to me. I usually try two
> in the bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple on
> the bed. And sometimes the living room floor is fun. You
> can really spread out there.' 'Bathtub, living room
> floor? No wonder it didn't work out for Harry and
> me!' 'Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a
> good one every time. But if we try several different
> positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm
> sure you'll be pleased with the results.' 'My,
> that's a lot!', gasped Mrs. Smith. 'Ma'am,
> in my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love
> to be In and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd
> be disappointed with that.' 'Don't I know
> it,' said Mrs. Smith quietly. The photographer opened
> his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby
> pictures. 'This was done on the top of a bus,' he
> said. 'Oh, my word!' Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping
> at her throat. 'And these twins turned out exceptionally
> well - when you consider their mother was so difficult to
> work with.' 'She was difficult?' asked Mrs.
> Smith. 'Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take
> her to the park to get the job done right. People were
> crowding around four and five deep to get a good look'
> 'Four and five deep?' said Mrs. Smith, her eyes
> wide with amazement. 'Yes', the photographer
> replied. 'And for more than three hours, too. The
> mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could
> hardly concentrate, and when darkness approached I had to
> rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling
> on my equipment, I just had to pack it all in.' Mrs.
> Smith leaned forward. 'Do you mean they actually chewed
> on your, uh...equipment?' 'It's true, Ma'am,
> yes.. Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod
> and we can get to work right away.' 'Tripod?'
> 'Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my
> Canon on. It's much too big to be held in the hand for
> very long.' Mrs. Smith fainted.....