Jokes

This is an actual job application someone submitted at a McDonald's fast-food establishment AND THEY HIRED HIM!

NAME:
Greg Bulmash

DESIRED POSITION:
Reclining. HA.
But seriously, whatever's available.
If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.

DESIRED SALARY:
$185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package.
If that's not possible make an offer and we can haggle.

EDUCATION
Yes.

LAST POSITION HELD:
Target for middle management hostility.

LAST SALARY:
Less than I'm worth.

NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT:
My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.

REASON FOR LEAVING:
It sucked.

HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK:
Any.

PREFERRED HOURS:
1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.

DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?:
Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.

MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?:
If I had one, would I be here?

DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS?:
Of what?

DO YOU HAVE A CAR?:
I think the more appropriate question here would be:
"Do you have a car that runs?"

HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?:
I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearinghouse Sweepstakes.

DO YOU SMOKE?:
Only when set on fire.

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?:
Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy supermodel who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread.
Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.

DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?:
No, but I dare you to prove otherwise.

SIGN HERE:
Scorpio with Libra rising.

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Note: After publishing this, we were contacted by Greg Bulmash, who is not working at McDonalds, never has, and is a respected journalist and humorist. He did write this, but as a joke, and he never submitted it to any company. Please visit http://www.imdb.com/Columns/Pulpit/Archive/p19990315.html for more info on its history.